Onset of Physical Disability Usually Boosts Marital Happiness
"This suggests that taking on care roles and responsibilities that may be new or more focused than in previous times in their marriage provided the men an opportunity to support and spend more time with their wives and ultimately enhanced their appreciation of their relationship."
REPORTER'S NOTE: Although I obviously don't believe God causes sickness for the purpose of bringing husbands and wives closer to each other, this article reminded me of my parents' marriage during my mother's long battle with lung cancer several years ago. From the moment she was diagnosed with cancer, my father met the challenges of my mother's dependence on him head-on. Not only did he cook, clean, and do the laundry (a huge shift in gender roles for him), he became sensitive to her every need. Near the end, I felt I was watching something sacred going on between them; a sweetness, an intimacy, a level of devotion I had never seen in their marriage before. I know it sounds strange, but if you can relate to loving and caring for a pet, it was as though she was my father's favorite pet. For all you couples out there in which one of you is facing an imminent physical crisis in your life, I pray you are able to access this same silver lining. -Teresa Neumann
A new study finds that the onset of physical disability actually boosts marital happiness more often than not.
The study shows what happens with couples when one of them loses the ability to perform routine daily activities:
• Both men and women–regardless of age–reported being happier in their marriage after they themselves became physically disabled.
• Men whose spouse became physically disabled also experienced greater happiness in their relationship.
• Women whose spouse became physically disabled reported no overall change in the relationship.
"The numbers show that couples seem to come together when one of them experiences physical limitations," said lead author Jeremy Yorgason, a Brigham Young University professor. "This suggests disability is a two-way street, with some surprising pluses in addition to the minuses people ordinarily expect."
The results—published in the journal Research on Aging—are based on information provided by 1,217 married people randomly selected from around the country. One hint from the new study is that in some cases disability brings more couple interaction. One expert not involved with the study notes a particular increase in quality time reported by older husbands.
"This suggests that taking on care roles and responsibilities that may be new or more focused than in previous times in their marriage provided the men an opportunity to support and spend more time with their wives and ultimately enhanced their appreciation of their relationship," said Karen Roberto, director of Virginia Tech's Center for Gerontology.
Since the onset of physical disability is often stressful, Yorgason recommends couples allow time to adjust and look within their relationship for the "silver lining."
